Full list of jokes
This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?""Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.Link to joke: This bloke went into a nightclub...
This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years agothat I lost my dear wife and children.I'll never forget that game of cards...Link to joke: This day holds a lot of...
This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions.guy: "Why are girls so pretty?"God: "So you'll like them."guy: "Why are girls soft?"God: "So you'll like them."guy: "Why are girls so dumb?"God: "So they'll like you."Link to joke: This fellow dies and goes to...
This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. "What the hell is your problem?" the lady asked. "I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy," the man moaned. The lady reached over and patted him on the back. "Well, if that's all it is, you can stop worrying," she said. "You're not getting his pussy. His pussy is five to six inches deeper."Link to joke: This fellow was screwing his best...
This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled overby the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and theguy replied, "Earl.""You got a last name, Earl?""Nope. It's a long story, Officer.""I got time."Earl sighs and says, "Well, Officer, at first I was known asEarl Doo-Daa. I was going to school to become a doctor, andI did, so I was known as Earl Doo-Daa, MD. I got bored justbeing a doctor so I went to dental school, graduated, and became Earl Doo-Daa, M.D., D.D. After a little more time I fooled around with this girl and got VD. So I was known asEarl Doo-Daa, MD, DD, with VD. When the medical boardfound out about my VD they took away my MD so I was knownas Earl Doo-Daa, DD with VD. The dentistry board also foundout about the VD and took away my DD making me Earl Doo-Dah with VD. Finally, the VD took away my Doo-Dah soI'm now just Earl."Link to joke: This guy was driving down the...
This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in the door he says, rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually ask him what it was he said, and he then says, "Terribly nasty weather." They then go off looking confused. A drunk a few stools down observes this and finally says, "Say, buddy, I see what'cher doin'-- you're putting people on! When somebody comes in the door you say, Tickle your ass with a feather, and when they say, What did you say to me? you say, terribly nasty weather." So the guy says to the drunk, "Yeah, it's fun putting people on. Come on down here and you do the next one that comes in." The drunk moves down to the end of the bar. In a few moments a person enters, and he says to her: "Stick a feather up your ass? She said, ?excuse me, what did you say?î He says, ?can you believe this fucking weather?îLink to joke: This guys is sitting at the...
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour." "Perfect," she replies.The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife? She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks. The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?" "Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor. The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."Link to joke: This man got his prescription for...
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: "What was that for?" Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?" Man: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on." The wife looked all satisfied and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting. Man: "What the hell was that for this time?" Wife: "Your horse called."Link to joke: This man was sitting quietly reading...
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.Link to joke: This morning I woke up to...
This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls necklace that he admired so much. She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you need it for at a time like this ? He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."Link to joke: This snow plow driver from North...
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